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This research study will describe, explore and analyze my own personal and professional experiences and perceptions as a mother, clinical nurse specialist, and advocate for children with developmental disabilities. In my research into this experience, I will use autoethnography, and more specifically, evocative narrative. Data will be constituted from my memory, recollection, and reflection. Family artifacts, such as photographs, journals, personal emails and letters between family members and friends, will be used to stimulate retrospective thinking. No interviews or observation will be used to collect data. The overarching research focus will include the examination of three main areas: 1) inquiry into mothering; 2) exploration and analysis of my life situations, practices, beliefs, values, and feelings; and 3) inquiry into secrets and difficult knowledge and how we learn to talk about difficult topics such as developmental disabilities, sexual abuse, divorce, accidents, and illness.

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